Me and my girlfriend Mallory Page are moving to a new house. As usual I can do nothing right in Mallory's eyes and she begins to chew me out. When Mallory throws me a rope and tells me to do something constructive with it, I know exactly what to do. It is easy to grab the petite Mallory and quickly get her tied up. Mallory is sitting on the basement floor still spewing out orders. I decide I should have a little more fun with Mallory and string her up by her ankles so her feet are swinging in the air. Mallory continues to bitch at me so several strips of tape are added over her mouth. Now she is truly helpless. I tell Mallory I am going out to get some more boxes and leave her hanging there. All poor Mallory can do is swing there and wait for me to return. I hope Mallory has calmed down by the time I return.

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